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11 June 2007 @ 09:03 pm
black holes and revelations. of the non-fic-related variety.  

 

After countless hours of lying in bed, unable to sleep due to my immense preoccupation with the conundrum that is B.Flow’s so-called-straightness... I’ve come to realize that I’m not of teh ghey.

I’ve disposed of my pink-feather-boa, everything that I own that sports a rainbow motif (I bid the fondest of goodbyes to my Care Bears, that picture of me from childhood with my Rainbow Brite stuffed doll, my carton of Skittles, and my boxes of Crayolas...); I’ve erased all the Elton John, George Michaels, Morrissey, and Madonna off my iTunes; I’ve tossed out my “fag”, “we’re queer, we’re here, get used to it”, and Boysetsfire one-inch buttons; I’ve taken down pretty much all of my posters, except for the Pearl Jam one; I’m painting over my purple walls with... I don’t know... pale yellow or... white... Yeah, white is definitely safe.

I’m calling off all Pride plans this year and every year from this day on...

Riley and I are just really good friends. We’ll kiss and make-out every so often. I’ll lean on him and dance with him all the time, still. But of course, the buttsecks has to go.
Blow-jobs and mutual jerk-offs should be fine though. As long as I close my eyes and imagine he’s not a dude.

See, I am a straight boy who writes slashy erotica/fan-fiction.
I just do not like teh cock. It’s so obvious. My entire life as a homosexual male has been a façade.
Everything makes sense again. And I think it may just allow me to continue life as normal, and not have to see the world as if I’m hung upside-down. All my dilemmas are solved. Everything makes sense again.


 


 
 
 
BIG...MEATY...CLAWS: ...like dave's p33njuktmicronics on June 12th, 2007 05:13 am (UTC)
um...srsly?
j.d. carson: serious business colordear_carson on June 12th, 2007 05:49 am (UTC)
Srsly.
Caps_thekillers won't mind a straightboy, will they?
I'll have to lurk now 'cuz there won't be any more fag/queen-jokes from me... =(

AND ROFLROFL. YOUR ICON IS FTW! LOL.
(What a fine and handsome young gentleman he is. And I mean that in a totally platonic way...)
BIG...MEATY...CLAWS: ...like dave's p33njuktmicronics on June 12th, 2007 07:01 am (UTC)
LOL, I mean are you serious that you just realized you're not ghey? Of course we don't mind straight boys in caps_thekillers. END CAPS DISCRIMINATION!!!!11111111!!!111ONE!!!!!ELEVEN!
j.d. carson: capslockers against discriminationdear_carson on June 12th, 2007 07:10 am (UTC)
Oh yeah, definitely. It just hit me like a cock up my arse bolt of lightning. I was like... If B.Flow is not of teh ghey, there is no way in hell that I could be of teh ghey, y'know what I mean?
Clarity, darling dude. I can see clearly now. The rain has so gone.

Caps_thekillers is so sleepy!!! Wake that shit up!!!
I want to try on my new straightjacket get-up while remaining an adoring fan of the B.Flow whole band and le CAPS.
lab_jazzlab_jazz on June 12th, 2007 06:02 am (UTC)
I never comment (not being a gay male and all), but I enjoy reading your posts about your life...they are very enlightening but at the same time quite funny :) I hope that you jest when you say that you have disposed of all your “gayness” stuff...or at least your have stored it somewhere and you can change your mind and retrieve it again later.
j.d. carson: brandon ratty innocencedear_carson on June 12th, 2007 06:31 am (UTC)
I think the only gay male around these parts is the boyfriend and ashmedai, so you have no excuse!!!
-grin-

I do jest with this post... =)
The point I was trying to make was more along the lines of my dear B.Flow being as gay as gay can be.
But to be serious... This morning, I was going through all my pictures of him--as usual--and for some reason, I suddenly made myself promise that once this fic is completed, I would let it go. I guess I just... If he needs to go through life as a straight man... then so be it. I realized I just wanted him to be happy. (Of course realizing at the same time, how insanely obsessed I was to be talking to his picture on a laptop monitor. I blame it all on the wine...)


You totally need to comment on fic chapters though!
Even if it's with a "..."
Otherwise it makes me feel un-read. -pouts-

=)
A-Dizzle.electricchicken on June 12th, 2007 06:17 am (UTC)
[shrugs]

Makes sense to me.
j.d. carson: being ghey is such serious businessdear_carson on June 12th, 2007 06:22 am (UTC)
-LAUGHING OUT LOUD-

It's a little hard to put a tone to internet humor sometimes.
But you hear me loud and clear. =)
A-Dizzle.electricchicken on June 12th, 2007 07:47 am (UTC)
That's me. In tune with the straight and NOT AT ALL gay men of America.

(So, when do you start growing the mustache?)
j.d. carson: capslocker 'stachedear_carson on June 12th, 2007 07:52 am (UTC)
When puberty finally kicks in...

But then again, doesn't the 'stache make him look more gay?

Conclusion: I need the beard. That's what I need. No man would ever want me after that, so any temptation for gheyness will be immediately circumvented.
A-Dizzle.electricchicken on June 12th, 2007 07:54 am (UTC)
And you should probably stop listening to Bowie, too. That shit is gay.

Take up with Bono. I'm pretty sure most homoqueers have the sense not to get to close to that one.
j.d. carson: brandon the fuck?dear_carson on June 12th, 2007 07:59 am (UTC)
I'm just going to stop listening to music in general.
Music = Satan = Queer.
killerflowerskillerflowers on June 12th, 2007 06:26 am (UTC)
this post makes me, mister flowers himself, sad. :[
j.d. carson: pretty is an understatementdear_carson on June 12th, 2007 06:33 am (UTC)
Hey Brandon... Can we cut through the introductions and move straight on to the AIM buttsecks?

I need a new perspective on life.
Preferably one from between your knees.
Introducing: ellenellen_melon on June 12th, 2007 06:33 am (UTC)
times like these call for out of line humour
hooray! one more for us straight girls!

:p
j.d. carson: hmmm...dear_carson on June 12th, 2007 06:36 am (UTC)
Re: times like these call for out of line humour
Yes, yes. I am fair game now, everybody.

Does it make me sound ghey if I said that first dips go to the ladies who already own strap-ons?
BIG...MEATY...CLAWS: gerard used to have 'em before the crackjuktmicronics on June 12th, 2007 06:59 am (UTC)
Re: times like these call for out of line humour
omg ded.
Mal: lee williams - touchcaptnmal on June 13th, 2007 04:57 am (UTC)
Re: times like these call for out of line humour
Hmm..

*looks in purse*

*GRINS*

I got the right one this time. *winks*
yvee_beth on June 12th, 2007 11:41 am (UTC)
this TOT creaped me out....I feel like I dont know u anymore girl.... ): but if this is what reaaaaalllly makes u happy...then so be it. :P

*GRINN*
j.d. carson: being ghey is such serious businessdear_carson on June 12th, 2007 12:03 pm (UTC)
It makes me happy to realize that life really is just black and white. Grayscale is much, much too confusing.

I would prefer it if you refrained from calling me a "girl" or "girlfriend" anymore. Sorry... But it kinda' gets in the way of my... conversion process...

And thanks for your support!
yvee_beth on June 12th, 2007 06:30 pm (UTC)
hummmzzz...we really need to make Brandon realize he's teh ghey...this creaps me ouwt ): lets start a comunity and show up at every consert with banners and stuff. it worked with preveious artists. ^^

but I'll call u dude and hunk from now on it that makes ur tender heart feel a teetsy bit better =)
j.d. carson: my head won't let me forget youdear_carson on June 13th, 2007 01:36 am (UTC)
Yes, "dude" and "hunk" would help a lot to boost my sense of masculinity. =)

And we absolutely cannot do that to B.Flow!!!
Now that I'm going through this... transition myself... I fully understand how much of a struggle it is, how I have to strike off whole chunks of the way I talk, how I have to hold back, how... It's just really difficult. And I don't think we should be making it more in-your-face painful for him 'cuz I love him.
riley: MorrisseyPeacegheyforjd on June 12th, 2007 12:55 pm (UTC)
you are so teh ghey.
trust me, baby. you love the cock, and i have videos to prove it.
j.d. carson: every good mormon rockstardear_carson on June 12th, 2007 01:11 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD, SHUSH!!!!!!

(see, this is what happens when I don't screen comments... lol)
Jo: JDclayzed on June 12th, 2007 01:25 pm (UTC)
The commments are not screened? Does a little happy dance then hugs the cute gay boy. Oops, that isn't you anymore? Sigh.

*goes in seach of a cute gay boy to hug*

j.d. carson: le sighdear_carson on June 13th, 2007 01:38 am (UTC)
(OMG LTHEFUCKOL!!!!)

-wants so badly to jump out of his seat, waving his arms excitedly in the air, giggling "me! me! mememe!!!"-

-but has to restrain himself-
Malcaptnmal on June 13th, 2007 05:00 am (UTC)
*nods* you So do.


Cockslut, what?

Riley, care to share the vids? Hehehe. At least give me the vocal track. I think wee wittle Jeremy makes noises. ;]
rileygheyforjd on June 13th, 2007 12:23 pm (UTC)
he sure does! he's a loud little one, i'm telling ya. he pretty much single-handedly wakes the entire neighborhood up!

(not to mention, my place ends up looking like a hurricane swept through!)

i must photograph my 'battle-scars' sometime soon.
Amandapanda0431 on June 12th, 2007 02:43 pm (UTC)
LOL.

seems to be the trend these days. i feel like i don't know any of you!!!11!
j.d. carson: ethan embry! empire records!!dear_carson on June 12th, 2007 02:49 pm (UTC)
I see James got to you first?
Sonafabitch... He always steals all the spunk out of my parade. It's not fair.

LOL... =)

But hey there, capslocker!!!
serenitynow05 on June 12th, 2007 06:54 pm (UTC)
mr. jeremy I am so lost. you're showing yourself as being srs and then this? and then saying you're serious but you're really not?

shit man, i can't put my head around you at all.

and now some people (including myself) think we did something wrong and are taking this as srs business. you do realize this ...right?
j.d. carson: somebody told me you're such a silly boydear_carson on June 13th, 2007 02:01 am (UTC)
I'M JUST MESSING AROUND, EVERYBODY!!!!!!
And you tell me it's safe to not screen comments!!

Ohmygod... The internetz is so unsafe for whackjob straight-faced dry humor!!!!!
HOW COME JAMES GOT THE LULZ AND I GET THE SRS BIZNEZ???!?!?!

I FAIL AT THE FUNNEH. I DO.

OH NOEZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I adore you and Jackie! Seriously!!!! You two and Jessica are my favoritest capslockers. (AND YOU KNOW I LOVE THE CAPSLOCK!) I like you gals more than I like James and his p33n!!! AND IT TAKES LIKE, A FREAKIN' TRUCKLOAD OF HORSE MANURE TO OFFEND ME. SERIOUSLY. I AM NOT THE DIVA THAT I MAKE MYSELF OUT TO BE!!! FOR REALS!!!
NOW GET ON AIM IF YOU'RE ONLINE!!!